back to work

I will be going back to work on Monday. I am on a roller coaster of emotions about it. Whenever he is screaming or being fussy I am SO ready to be back at work but when he is happy and smiling I get really sad. I always thought I would be a great stay at home mom but I have come to realize it is probably not the best thing for me. I don't like not having distractions, other adult interaction, getting up and not wondering what to do with the day... I am looking forward to a routine and cherishing my weekends. I am not looking forward to missing things. What if the first time he giggles is for someone else? or rolls over? I know it is nothing personal and it doesn't mean anything but it still makes me sad that I won't be with him. What if he is upset? What if he wants his mommy? ha! What mom doesn't feel like this though and millions get up and go to work every day. It is just the way it has to be for so many of us. We have no choice. Monday will be interesting to say the least.