it's been better, it's been worse

I think that is fair.

New Years Eve... whoopee. I never really get geared up for this holiday. In the past it has always carried a stigma I didn't care for... is that even the right phrase..What I mean is there is a bar, an expectation, EUREEKA that was the word I was looking for. An expectation that you will have such an awesome night, everything will be perfect, you will kiss the love of your life at midnight and the following year will be the best yet. ummmmm

My fondest New Years memories are as follows:

Being at my grandparents house with all my cousins while all of our parents went out and got shitty. We would wait until the little ones were asleep and raid my grandmother's liquor closet usually ingesting cheap vodka and coffee brandy and feeling like puke.

Going to the asylum to dance only to have to go home early because my alcoholic boyfriend needed tending to... that was two years in a row!

Going to that same boyfriend's friends house in Brunswick and everyone getting wasted and getting whipped with a belt by the guy who was hosting the party for no reason at all other than I was standing there... though I do have my theories on that one.

My bffae(best friend forever and ever), some next level shit right there, used to always poo poo this holiday. She was one of the only other people on the planet that was tired of nothing ever living up. I don't try anymore, I haven't for years. No hopes and dreams to be pulverized and mashed to bits... nope, not for this girl.

2010 was not a terrific year for me but I feel like I had a good ride. Some struggles but I mostly surrounded myself with amazing people and tried to be a good single mom. I feel like 2011 will have a focus of getting back in control of my money and health and continue to make sure I do all I can to take care of Phineas.

Happy New Year to you and yours. May the force be with you and all that!

almost 2

My son is almost 2... 4 months to go, not that I am in a hurry. The point I am getting to is that he can play by himself for longer without yelling to me. Everyday he seems to get a longer attention span which means I can sneak a blog entry here and there.

Christmas is over and I am both sad and relieved. Also quite anxious because I have to try and catch up on my bills. December really hurt my wallet. I now live in fear of having my car repoed. It is an awful feeling and I give them money when I can but I still owe. I need to figure something out as my rent has gone up too. Ugh. Serious stress. I have had my fair share of money problems and I thought they were behind me but alas new ones arise. blah. So much easier when there were two incomes to live off of.

Lets change the subject. My son... yes... he is playing with his new "Little People" farm. He loves it. He also got a castle which he also REALLY loves. It gives mom a nice break.

Uh oh... I smell kid poop. sigh

jingle bell rock

I think I have Christmasweekitis. In fact when I have to actually DO something at work, it makes me furious! So stupid... this is my job and obviously I want to do it and do it well.... just not this week. I keep finding myself doing just about anything to avoid my real work. For example, this blog post. Not to mention a certain fellow blogger of mine has been on my tail about posting which is much appreciated.

As per usual, the holiday season is filled with stress and cheer. I need money for presents and I hope I get money as presents so I can pay my bills... cause yeah... I haven't done that yet this month and it is almost over. I keep thinking tax return.
I love Christmas, I love most every pagan thing about it and also some of the Christian stuff I was brought up on resurfaces this time of year. It is one of the only times I entertain the thought of going to Chuech. I loved midnight Mass as a kid. Standing around the Congregation lighting candles and just being filled with... love. I think that when Finn is old enough I will bring him and he too will have a chance to be filled with peace. Maybe he won't feel it and if he doesn't no harm, no foul.

I guess I need to do something. baaahhhh

Another day another dollar... hollar. Don't get me started on my money problems cause it will take a couple days to wade through past, present and future.

I have a huge to do list which includes cat food, christmas lights and papers to be witnessed. Don't ask!

This year to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. Just sayin is all. Watched the Glee Christmas special last night and though it wasn't stellar, I did enjoy it. I also enjoyed that it sparked a conversation with my current beau about how in 5th grade he was Cyndi Lou Hoo in a school play. It might be my favorite fun fact about him to date.

I am at work and I can't concentrate on any one thing for more than about 3 minutes... hence this scatterred entery.

Hark the herald angel sings glory to the new born king

I am looking forward to my weekend. It is going to rock my world.

tonight we trimm the tree. Finn is gonna LOVE IT!!!!! Maybe pics will follow...but don't get your hopes to high as that would take effort.

work play and the like

I want more play. How do I make this happen?

I can't believe I have not updated this in a year. I am a slacker. I lose interest in things. It has been one of my biggest problems as long as I can remember.

So here I sit... at work...writing in my blog because I promised a friend I would. It is the only way I will do it. I need someone lighting a fire under my you know what.

I would try to catch my followers up on my life but a lot has happened since I last posted. It would take a lot of words and I just don't have the motivation for that.

My goal this weekend is to turn the bah humbugs into festive elves. Imma do it and it will be grand.

p.s parking tickets suck.