it's been better, it's been worse

I think that is fair.

New Years Eve... whoopee. I never really get geared up for this holiday. In the past it has always carried a stigma I didn't care for... is that even the right phrase..What I mean is there is a bar, an expectation, EUREEKA that was the word I was looking for. An expectation that you will have such an awesome night, everything will be perfect, you will kiss the love of your life at midnight and the following year will be the best yet. ummmmm

My fondest New Years memories are as follows:

Being at my grandparents house with all my cousins while all of our parents went out and got shitty. We would wait until the little ones were asleep and raid my grandmother's liquor closet usually ingesting cheap vodka and coffee brandy and feeling like puke.

Going to the asylum to dance only to have to go home early because my alcoholic boyfriend needed tending to... that was two years in a row!

Going to that same boyfriend's friends house in Brunswick and everyone getting wasted and getting whipped with a belt by the guy who was hosting the party for no reason at all other than I was standing there... though I do have my theories on that one.

My bffae(best friend forever and ever), some next level shit right there, used to always poo poo this holiday. She was one of the only other people on the planet that was tired of nothing ever living up. I don't try anymore, I haven't for years. No hopes and dreams to be pulverized and mashed to bits... nope, not for this girl.

2010 was not a terrific year for me but I feel like I had a good ride. Some struggles but I mostly surrounded myself with amazing people and tried to be a good single mom. I feel like 2011 will have a focus of getting back in control of my money and health and continue to make sure I do all I can to take care of Phineas.

Happy New Year to you and yours. May the force be with you and all that!