out out damn spot

I saw my mother's name change colors on the board and my stomach sank. She is in the operating room and I am out here just waiting to get word it is done and all is well. It is weird having roles reversed. Notht hat she actually lets me take care of her but still... I am the one sitting in a waiting room worrying... I am used to being the patient as I have had my fair share of health problems. It is a bit surreal. I know the outcome will be fine but what do you do with yourself and your thoughts while you wait to make sure. I think that I now know what my mom felt like when she couldn't be in the room with me for certain medical procedures including the birth of my son. You feel helpless as the outsider and even though you wouldn't change anything by physically being in the room with someone you still want to be there. I have been keeping myself plenty distracted between my family members who are here and the internets and text messages. I checked out some tattoo pics online, spent more time on facebook this morning than in the last three months and snuck in some ENews daily. I love waiting rooms that have cable and people who don't care if I watch crap. It seems like an eternity since I got here this morning. It has been almost three hours but I feel like it have been a full work day. Mercy cafeteria food isn't half bad. I had a breakfast sandwich. I would say it was a step up from a gas station sandwich haha, but no where near Mr Bagel. mmmm Ok... my attention span is gone.